Reincarnation
by Delta Immortal
Summary: how many lives must we pass through before we can find happiness? SeiferZell Au. This life: a farm.
1. Chapter 1

Delta has re-done this chapter!!!! Yay!!!!

This is to be the Queen of all AUs, hopefully inspiring others to write something better. Do it. I write so you people will write.

Anyway... Au. Just about every world you can imagine; samurai, vampires, insane asylums, businessmen, SeeD, married a wife of a brother, incest, and then some. And those are just the situations.

This is all Seifer/Zell. And there's other pairings, too, I just have no will to write them down right now.

I apologize, I cant seem to get quotations to work, so it is hectic and means updates will most likely be nonexistent. This is why all conjunctions have no apostrophe. Japanese keyboards plus fanfiction net is really... not a user-friendly combination.

Let us begin.

Life One

Chapter One

There was nothing more beautiful than these mountains, Zell decided as he touched his _jyuzu_ lightly, when the air blew through the trees. A wave of rippling green flowed through them, like a song sung in perfect unison. The monk took these moments much more seriously now, since Deiling-sama had come to power. Since his reign, war had been brewing, and everyone knew it. And the Balamb Monks, and the SeeD temple, they were to be peacekeepers. He was carrying what the monks had given him for this journey: the _kitousyo_, the _jyuzu_, the pack of the best quality tea powder ever, and the memories.

There were lots of memories, but it was best to think on the beauty before him, untouched by man's hands, untouched by anything but nature itself. The monk stopped by a stream to drink, taking off his traveling hat, moving his _jyuzu_ so they wouldn't get wet, and drank. As he placed his hands down, he could clearly see his face. Blue eyes, blonde hair- a child of a foreigner, that's what he was. He'd never get a special position in life, doomed to be the child out of wedlock- so that's why his parents had...

Father had...

It was an ugly **tattoo**. A marking, a statement after he'd tried to run away from the Yakuza boss. The tattoo on his back wasn't enough, no, the evil man had fixed his face, and it suited the boy. But Zell had hated the meaning, and he turned away from his reflection.

The monks, they had saved him. They rescued a slave boy and taught the out-of-wedlock-child to read and write, to fight, to meditate. He was lucky, and he'd known it. Most children like him were drowned the instant they were born. The monks had given him more than a rice famer's life could have given him, more than a poor samurai could have given him. In their compassion Zell was reborn, remade into his monk self.

Perhaps this was why Zell didn't like the outside world, away from the monks. He didn't understand people, rigid societies, classes. And he had a deep, undying hate for the Yakuza, his only flaw the monks could not take away. Timber Town made its way to his eyes and Zell watched as the sun seemed to set on it, making him sure it was where he would sleep. They weren't expecting him tonight- he was making very good time, two days early. Onwards he went, into the quiet little village and passed several people. His first thought was how unenlightened they were; but that soon stopped, as he himself was unenlightened. Freshly made a monk, freshly given a journey. Perhaps he could find his enlightenment here.

A dog barked at him, wanting to play. Zell smiled and continued walking, trying to find the temple. It was big, but it was-

"You lost?" came a voice, and the monk turned to see a _ronin_, watching his move like a hawk. But this _ronin_ was unlike most; he too, had blonde hair and _green_ eyes. He waited, giving a cold smile, and Zell huffed and moved past him, right into a scene of two... well, Zell turned back the other way, a little paler. The ronin laughed. "That's what I thought. You scream greenhorn, monk."

"I don't need patronizing, Ronin," Zell told him curtly. There was a whack and the man had slapped him, but Zell caught his feet and had forced the ronin fall into the mud, dirtying his kimono and well, making a jolly good laughingstock out of the man.

"Monk!" The ronin roared, going for his katana. "You've crossed the line!" Zell braced himself, dodging the sword swiftly, trying to keep his things out of harms way.

"Don't underestimate me, you masterless** scourge**!" Zell yelled back, and the battle continued, the ronin swinging, Zell dodging until Zell realized the samurai had lost interest in hitting him. He moved away, and the ronin gave a cold smile, sheathing his sword.

"Impressive, for a baby bird," he remarked, glaring at the two people that had made the boy turn pale. They shrieked and ran off, clothing loose and confidence shattered. "Little fledgling, where is your temple?" Zell gripped his jyuzu tightly, trying not to loose his anger. He had already been foolish today, no need to loose his temper. Seifer continued. "Or maybe you are returning to your tattoo's roots, huh?"

The monk snapped. He flew at the ronin, who was forced into the dirt yet again. Zell kept his hands at the samurai's throat until the two heard a clapping sound. Zell turned, to his horror, to see Watts-sensei, leader of the Seed temple of Timber. "Ah, so brilliant, Zell-kun! Your technique is flawless!"

Zell stood, bowing, not trying to say anything because it was rather pointless with this man, and that shame ate its way around him. Watts-sensei continued as the ronin got up and turned away. "You are making such good time on your journey, too! Bring your bodyguard, please, come!"

The ronin froze, hands slightly shaking. Zell stared at him, too, the same thing going through their minds. "Bodyguard?" The ronin turned around, staring straight at the mad-man and tried hard not to kill them both. Watts-sensei grinned. "Yes! It is dangerous walking around by yourself nowadays." He turned for them to follow. "And it keeps your training skills sharp! It almost looked like a real fight!"

The two followed in silence for quite some distance. Zell wondered why the ronin was joining him, not fleeing, while the ronin was thinking about how many free meals he could get if he played this out. Watts-sensei lead them through meandering streets until they reached the_ torii _and then they all entered a mountainous path. The ronin seemed to falter a bit, but the monks were used to it, like mountain** yaks** and goats.

"Why are your temples up so high?" the ronin whined, almost out of breath.

"Too tough for you, wandering dishonored?" Zell asked, and Watts-sensei stopped.

"Zell-kun," came his voice. "This man has the honor of guarding _you_." His voice held anger at Zells own outburst, and Zell bowed an apology. The ronin gave a grin- until Watts-sensei turned on him. "You should be silent, guard."

As they reached the temple, Zell could see its fame was well-placed. Beautiful trees grew around it, in it, part of a meditation or a storybook, he wasn't sure. It was beyond beautiful, even if he'd been misplaced with the Ronin.

"Forgive us on the short preparations, the head monk told them. "Please, feel free to enter the baths, you must be weary. Sleep early, or join us at dinner…" Watts sighed as he passed a wilting sapling. "Have you encountered rain?"

"Not since Balamb," Seifer stated quickly.

"A bad omen," Watts-sensei agreed. "Rain should be coming nonstop in this season, but…" he trailed off, thinking of other matters. "Oh, well. Zell, you should know our design; it's just like your Balamb temple. One of our monks-in-training will assist you- we must wash those clothes, of course." He clapped his hands and four younger monks appeared, suddenly undressing Seifer and leading the sputtering ronin away.

Zell smirked at the ronin's obvious uncomfortable appearance. It was made so by the fact of the blonde hair of a bastard- He stopped on that note. Wasn't he a bastard child himself?

"I wish to see the garden," he stated, wanting these thoughts to be gone. Watts-sensei nodded and they entered into a small area, filled with sand and rocks. No one was using it, yet it was so peaceful.

"Please, go ahead," came Watts-sensei's voice. Zell sat down, trying to clear his thoughts, but the words came anyway.

…………

The ronin didn't complain at the food, a free meal was a free meal, no matter how weird the food was. It was rather awkward in this temple, especially since Zell hadn't come in. Rain had finally begun to fall hours ago and still no monk. At least he was eating with the younger, not-yet monks, which was good. They appreciated good gossip, and told him many things, such as Zell's mission to meet Deling-sama. Why it was Zell, no one knew. But all agreed it was a suicide mission, and Zell was progressing much faster down the trail than most- perhaps to finally find enlightenment before death.

Zell was the name of the monk, Seifer learned. Half-Japanese, half-Dutch, a bastard child monks adopted- no one was sure about the tattoo, however. "Foreigners always have a tattoo at birth," said one boy, coming in. One look at Seifer, however, and the particular child excused himself and went to serve out some horrid punishment.

Seifer was taken to his room, the bath taken before dinner, and the door slid behind him. Automatically, Seifer rolled his eyes. Two futons, right next to each other lay before him. This temple was horrible. Even his **yukata** was itchy. He needed someone to bitch to, wear was the stupid baby monk?

This ended up in a search throughout the temple. There were giggles in the shared quarters (Monks weren't really all that holy, Seifer decided), silence in the great halls, the toilet was empty. The monk couldn't have been outside, so he moved to the last place- the baths. He managed to spot Zell inside one, way after hours and by now the water must have been freezing. Baby monk was taking off his things, and so Seifer watched shamelessly, licking his lips like the lecher he was. The assistant took his things and bowed, moving away, but Seifer's eyes never left Zell. Oh, Seifer had never seen anything like him. Beautiful muscles rippled as Zell washed himself, then entered the bath. He flinched as the cold water met his waist, but alone. Baby monk wasn't really a baby, oh no.

What was the most interesting, however, was the tattoo along his back, so detailed and stunning. It seemed somewhat warped, and on further inspection, Seifer realized what it meant. Baby monk had been a sex-boy for a very powerful Yakuza boss before the monks had found him. For the monks to accept him, Zell must have done something. Seifer didn't think that even monks would accept him after that shame. Sure, kids were sent to monasteries all the time, but many were refused because they could not deal with such a strict life. Baby monk must not have really had a choice.

The assistant returned, somehow relieved to see Seifer. "Please, give these clothes to him," he asked, running off. The samurai growled. Now he was the monk's maid.

He entered the room, setting the clothes somewhere dry. The monk hadn't noticed, and so Seifer took off his shoes and placed on the ones for the bathroom, walking in. "Shame on you," Seifer told him. Rather than jump, Zell moved to face Seifer, but Seifer knew the movement too well. The monk was hiding his back.

"Why are you here, you mas- ronin," Zell corrected himself. "A free meal or two?"

"It's a job," Seifer told him, shrugging. "An adventure. Follow you around and see what'll happen- really, this has been my first time _inside_ a temple." He waved a hand dismissively. "I've already seen the tattoo. Impressive god."

Zell glared, but his shoulders relaxed. "I've never seen it. I'm told it's a dragon."

"And a dog," Seifer replied. "A dog with three heads."

Zell gave a short laugh, completely un-humorous. Seifer shrugged. "It's not easy being a bastard son," he stated, knowing Zell's feelings exactly. "I'm not a true samurai because of it." The monk bit his lip, unsure of what to say. Seifer gave a slight smile. "I have respect for you, monk. I'll guard your ass on this journey because it sounds interesting."

"I'm Zell. Call me Zell."

"Sure thing, monk. I'm Seifer."

"Ronin," Zell muttered angrily, standing up. He said other things, too, but Seifer was trying too hard not to look to pay attention, and turned and left. The hall was suddenly filled with silence and Seifer could feel the slightest pangs of empathy for the monk, and quickly tried to kill them. He crawled into his futon, waiting for the monk.

Zell appeared, right on cue. The white yukata fit _him_, and Zell shut the door, moving the pillow onto the floor and blew out the candle.

"Can't sleep on the floor, monk?" the ronin asked curiously. "Training, or-"

Suddenly Zell was on top of him, knees on either side of his hips, chest on his, breath over his mouth. Seifer was risen in an instand, this like a dream. _Oh, yes, you naughty little monk, Seifer's willing_… Zell pressed his fingers into Seifer's neck, grinning as the ronin passed out. That would keep him quiet. He made to move off the ronin, but for a moment he felt something that scared him, forcing him to jump onto the floor. He checked the ronin again.

Nothing, he realized. The ronin was only slightly hard, due to the pressure point he'd pressed. But still…

Not more of that, no more, he wanted to be a monk so he would never have that experience again. Shakily, Zell got up, walking toward the door. He needed meditation.

…………

Seifer awoke with a slight headache. Darkness was all around him, and the monk had gone.

The monk. Seifer growled as he remembered the passing out, but shuddered pleasantly at the memory. Oh, that would haunt him. Best to find the monk now, before he did something stupid like picture them together in the baths.

Seifer winced. It was his job now. Willing himself to calm, he opened the door and searched the temple again and nothing. The monk couldn't have been stupid enough to go out in the rain, could he? Hurriedly he moved to where the shoes were kept and noted Zell's missing from the pile. He put on his own sandals and took a step, seeing Zell's white yukata in the distance.

As he approached, Zell turned to look at him with big, empty eyes. "Stupid idiot!" Seifer shouted. "You'll catch cold out here! It's freezing!"

'I'm fine," Zell told him, "We monks can keep our body temperatures up."

"You've been crying," Seifer stated suddenly, putting the pieces together. The shock softened his voice, and took Zell off-guard. The monk stood, not wanting to explain himself.

They walked back in silence. As they neared the door, Seifer heard something uttered behind his back. "Everyone uses me."

The ronin laughed curtly. "Everyone uses someone. The emperor uses his underlings, they use their samurai, who use _their_ samurai, who use their farmers, who use…" Seifer stopped. "We're always being used, Zell. Humans in themselves are tools."

It didn't restore the light to Zell's eyes, so Seifer sighed, undoing his obi as the shoes are replaced. Zell jumped back, but Seifer gripped his shoulders firmly. "Your yukata is wet and cold," he informed. "As your new bodyguard, I have to keep you safe for my free meals." He started working on undressing Zell, and then helping the blonde into a bigger yukata, though they were almost the same. Seifer wasn't sure, but Zell seemed bright red, or maybe it was the light. Candlelight did make everything red, Seifer remembered.

"Master Zell?" came a sleepy voice. "What disturbs you?"

"Late-night meditation," Seifer responded for him. "His clothes are wet; I've given him mine." The monk-in-training nodded and ran off to put them away. Seifer led Zell to their room, watched to make sure Zell was in the futon and shut the door.

"Wait… where are you-"

"Toilet," came the Ronin's response, and Zell fell quiet, either asleep or trying to meditate more, Seifer couldn't tell. He quickly made his way down the hall. He had no shame in wearing so little. Oftentimes he had done worse things for attention, never inside the Japanese mind, yet Japanese.

He opened the door to the toilet stalls, and who should be standing before him but Watts-sensei. In Seifer's opinion he was the creepiest man on the planet so far. "Ah, Seifer-san. What a night, eh?"

"Eh," Seifer hoped to respond and leave it at that.

Watts-sensei continued, however. "Take care of Zell-kun, please," came his quiet reply. "The boy knows we pity him, though we never tell him. The boy wants to find his enlightenment desperately, yet knows he keeps himself from it. Please, aid him." With that, Watts-sensei left Seifer to take the most uncomfortable piss in his life.

When Seifer arrived back into the room, the baby monk had managed to now use two futons to sleep on, rather than one. He was breathing softly and gave a moan as Seifer sighing, pushed him off a little, able to get into the covers. Zell instantly grabbed his side and held the ronin fast, curling up to him. Seifer didn't fight it, he only placed blankets on top of Zell as well. Cautiously, he traced the tattoo on the blonde as he marveled at the monk. So perfectly innocent, he decided. Something he himself could never be.

...end chapter one...

Jyuzu- prayer beards

kitoushyo- buddhist scripture book

tattoo- in the old days, only those associated with the yakuza (Japanese mafia) had tattoos. Zell is blonde and thats not found in Japanese society. Yay for making up backstory.

ronin- a masterless samurai, usually for hire, usually not highly thought of.

Scourge- really, just an excuse to write it.

torii- gateway to a shrine.

yak- yeah, really, just another excuse to write it.

yukata- cotton kimono. It should really be nemuki, but I think I've given enough Japanese for one fic.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey. An update! Chapter one has been fixed. Ish. I wish that when I upload stuff it would look pretty, but unfortunately, FFnet hasn't been helpful in seeing previews or remembering spaces. Grrr.

Nor does it let me update whatsoever. Any guesses on how long I've been trying to update?

Anyway, I'll be updating mosaic next. But that may also be a longer time. Sorry, I tend to forget about these fics if I'm not reminded…

Life One

Chapter two

…………

Zell awoke before the sun had risen, right at the first rays of dawn. He smiled to himself as he heard the birds sing their songs, as the animals started their morning routines. Wishes suddenly appeared in his heart, but he ignored them, taking in the icy truth that he was going to his death and that his life would not continue. It was best not to think of it like that. He was finally showing the monks his true appreciation. Birdsong was beautiful. Blue eyes opened to stare at a naked chest, and Zell pulled away instinctively. It wasn't until he remembered last night that he calmed, touching the yukata wrapped around him. It had been one of the nicest things anyone had done for him. Maybe the fact that they were both bastard children had something to do with it. Already, they connected.

Which had slightly angered Zell. He wasn't a bastard child; he was Japanese, he was a monk! Why couldn't anyone see that? How hard would he have to try before people accepted him for one of them?

Biting his lip, he placed his head on Seifer's chest, wanting to listen to the ronin's heartbeat. It was as if their hearts beat in sync with another's- first Seifer, and then Zell. It was comforting, until Zell realized his breath was coming too quickly and his pulse was hastening. He pulled away, knowing what it was. Morning stiffness, he reminded himself. He wasn't like the other boys, who would touch themselves or ignore it- Zell willed his away. Thoughts on things like that were dirty, not worthy of a monk's time.

Zell sighed, beginning his mantras. By the time a monk-in-training entered to retrieve Zell, the issue had disappeared. "Let him sleep," Zell told the boy before Seifer was to be wakened. "The bells will do that for you." The boy gave him a knowing grin and bowed, leaving the room. The clothes still not having come, Zell moved out of the room to go to morning prayer. As he was shutting the door, he watched Seifer sleepily reach for where Zell's sleeping form had been. Zell's eyes clouded over with emotion and shut the door, trying to ignore the sudden hurt in his stomach.

A hand on his head only served to add to his emotions. Watts-sensei would never give such treatment to Japanese, but since Zell looked foreign it would do. "I wish we had taught your eyes to keep your emotions in check."

Zell looked up. "Huh?" he asked, and Watts-sensei didn't respond again. Zell took his place in the back, reciting mantras alongside the other monks, his head focused completely, but his heart still aching at the shutting of the door. _Don't let me be distracted, _he prayed with every fiber of his being, save for his heart.

The incense was of a particular scent that Zell was fond of and the bell rang out as if it was summoning the day; for a moment Zell felt completely peaceful, but not enlightened.

The same bell had startled a certain ronin halfway out of his futon. Angrily and instinctively he reached for his swords only to find they weren't there. Neither was the monk, and Seifer cursed inwardly before remembering last night. Why had the monk- cuddled? Some desperate cry for attention? Whatever it was, it meant Seifer could have his way with the monk, and Seifer would. There would be a better reason than to follow the monk around- that cute piece of ass would be all his.

Especially after the dishonor of having his swords taken away from him. Maybe it was because he seemed foreign. They didn't consider him to have honor. He snorted. No one else had, anyway, until her…

He shook his head, best not to think about her. The point was, he had been dishonored and now he would take the honor of taking the innocence of-

He hit his head again. There was the next problem: the monk _was_ experienced, just in the worst way possible. Seifer growled at his loss of luck and struggled with the covers, though that didn't help much either. He stopped when the monk came in, chuckling slightly.

"I had thought a kitten had come in here and was playing with your head," Zell told him, some sort of jest that was quite stupid, in Seifer's opinion. Then the next part of the jest came, Seifer supposed- seeing as Seifer was unable to exit the bed, Zell revealed cleaned clothes and took off his yukata, almost on top of Seifer. The ronin's eyes tried to look away and he struggled with the covers more, trying to be free or distracting himself from the sight, he wasn't sure.

Zell laughed and managed to wrap himself in his under-yukata and yukata and monk robe _and _obi all before Seifer could get a hand free. Zell put on his tabi, thick socks for his sandals, and then moved to help Seifer. Seifer struggled free and then Zell helped him get dressed. Seifer was about to comment on it when he realized Zell was showing him respect, something neither of them had too often. It formed a slight bond between them and Seifer wanted to kill it right then and there. Suddenly Zell started wrapping the obi around him and fidgeted with it in the back. "Can't keep your hands off me, huh?"

Zell knew he shouldn't have responded to the remark but he did anyway. Suddenly Seifer was on the ground, staring into enraged eyes and a snarling face. He'd have to remember the monk was not as fragile and weak as he seemed.

"If you say anything, _anything_, like that again, I'll castrate you so fast you won't even see it coming." The monk waited until Seifer nodded in understanding before he let the ronin go.

"You aren't nearly half as powerful as you seem," Seifer muttered, getting up. The monk gave a sort of laugh, one completely carefree and Seifer felt that same stupid thing again. "Let's fight again, sometime."

"There won't be a next time," Zell muttered, face turning dark. It was all quite amusing; apparently, the monks hadn't taught Zell to keep his emotions in check. They stood in silence until Seifer's stomach made its opinion known and they moved to the tables to eat.

…………….

"Monk on a stick, monk on a slab, monk on a buggy, monk got a tab," sang Seifer, the newly named "completely bored" ronin. It was a catchy phrase which had the honor of being true. Zell hadn't said anything to him all day and all they had done was walk and walk and walk and his stomach was hungry- again. The monk had skipped lunch, for hyne's sake! What the hell was he supposed to do when he was bored and hungry? Leave?

Fat chance.

Zell shot him one of those "looks" that were supposed to shut him up but just made him aroused instead. He was a living, breathing horndog and Zell was on his "to do" list.

If those lists really existed. He knew he shouldn't sleep with Zell. He knew he should leave, finish his business as quickly as possible. But all through his life Seifer felt like one-of-a-kind, and now someone else who was an outsider had appeared. It was too good to pass up. How did someone else deal?

"Hey," Seifer told the monk, "let's eat."

Zell kept on walking, and Seifer sighed. "If you don't stop I'll tell everyone you couldn't keep your hands off of me," Seifer threatened, and Zell stopped, and glared.

"That's low," Zell stated, getting down the backpack. Seifer happily clapped his hands together and said thanks and dug in, and Zell watched, half annoyed, half amused. So many halves today, he noted.

"So," Seifer stated while eating, completely _rude_. "Your mother or your father?"

It wasn't a good question of clarity, but Zell knew what it meant. Even he didn't have to try hard to Seifer's foreign green eyes and answered, "My mother was Dutch."

"So I heard," Seifer muttered through rice. "Tell me about yourself."

Zell shrugged. "There's not much to tell. My father, being the youngest of six brothers, never had any money from the family anyway. I was born to my mother without the help of a doctor or her husband, probably out drinking, I'm not sure." He paused at the bitterness in his voice. "Sorry."

"Not at all. How amusing, my own mother was also Dutch." Seifer took a drink of green tea, washing away the rice. "She was a small, meager affair in midnight, but when she came forward my father had to accept it. At my coming of age I was made into a samurai- and then disowned. My mother had died from the plague."

Zell shrugged. "My father poisoned my mother. Then he sold me to Adel." He looked up to see Seifer's face pale with shock and nodded. "Yes, Adel, the dragon. He wears the mark on his face." Zell's chopsticks suddenly broke and Seifer saw anger, though his thoughts took a second to turn to it. Anger and hate were etched into Zell's face. Probably, the reason baby monk couldn't keep his emotions in check was because he'd been accepted so late into the monastery.

"It's understandable that you are so angry," Seifer noted, a subtle warning to Zell to try and control his feelings. "The Dragon is known in every house, in every street, and showing anger towards him cannot help you now." When Zell's look just got darker, Seifer shrugged. "Does he really have purple skin? And fire-red hair? And does he have 'Dragon powers from the gods'?" The tone was half-mocking.

Luckily, Zell picked up on it and gave a small smile before he nodded. "He has all those things. I doubt you would be able to defeat him, Ronin, so stop fantasizing."

"Oh, if he crosses our paths, I'll have to take him out," Seifer said offhandedly. "It's my job now, isn't it?'

There was a small spark in Zell's eyes, or maybe a blush about his face- but for once the monk was hiding it and it was all Seifer could do just to keep Zell's eyes on his. "Don't move," Seifer stated. "This is about fifty times better than staring into black eyes."

"You came on this mission to jump me," came Zell's retort. "I can see that much, at least."

"I won't jump you, unless you're drunk or you want it," Seifer responded, still staring. "I understand better why you hate these things."

Suddenly Zell looked away. "I'm not supposed to hate," he mumbled, packing up his lunch suddenly.

"That's all I can do. The Japanese way only works for the Japanese, right?" Seifer sat back. "You and I, we are different." Now would be the time to take Zell's hand, but the monk recoiled at human contact, so he tried something else. "We had different lullabies sung to us at night."

"Let's go, Seifer, before you say something perverted and ruin the moment," Zell sighed, standing up. "We'll have to rent an inn at the next town; there are no temples."

"Are you allowed to-"

"On this journey, I was told I may do as I please." Zell picked up his things and started walking, and Seifer knew there would be no more conversation until possibly, the late and _cold_ bath they would have that evening.

……………

"You didn't have to come," Zell muttered to the ronin, who was currently seated by the little buckets filled with water, scrubbing his back. Zell had already washed, and was in the cold water already. The innkeeper had some raised eyebrows but no questions about the time, and had opened the bath to them and them only.

"What if you get attacked?" came Seifer's question. "Come on, monk, it's not that difficult to figure out. I'm not going to leave you."

"Liar. I bet tonight you'll try and hook up with a lady in another room," Zell retorted.

"I think with a bath _that_ cold I'll need some serious time to recover before such escapades." Seifer rinsed himself off, shivering violently. He got up to enter the bath, and shivered again. "You and I are going to have a hot bath next time, I swear to god."

The monk shot him a dirty look, but Seifer ignored it, suddenly pulling Zell into his lap. The monk struggled, until Seifer placed his teeth over Zell's jugular. Against the threat, Zell fell quiet, eyes slightly glazed. "There had better be a damn good excuse for this, ronin."

Approvingly, Seifer moved away. "You are by far the warmest thing in this bath," he retorted. "And despite the fact that you are naked, you will serve as my warmer."

"You _are_ an ass. I thought wrongly of you." Zell growled. "I should make you pass out right here."

Seifer laughed. "Oh, you could. But why didn't you?" His eyes turned dark and Zell could read them much better than what Seifer could read of Zell's. "We'll just say it's something foreign."

"I'm not laying with you," Zell retorted firmly, and he suddenly placed a hand quite far south. "Now, you let me go or I'll rip it off."

Seifer sighed and let go, and Zell backed away, doing the same. "I'll keep trying, you know. It's not everyday I meet someone like me that isn't my reflection. It's not because you're experienced or you're a monk or-"

"I really don't care, because despite your attempts to get into my kimono, it won't work. I know the only reason you're with me-"

Seifer cut him off. "Is because you and I are so similar. Sex would just be a bonus. A very good bonus, but not the reason."

The monk excused himself, no longer wanting part in such a stupid conversation. Seifer heard the monk dress and leave, and then he sighed, staring up at the night stars through glass. Why was he so desperate for this monk? Even he hadn't realized what he was doing.

"Pathetic," he muttered to himself. "You don't sleep with your mission."

He pulled himself out of the bath, and after deciding it was colder in the bath than outside of it, got dressed and returned to their room, where the monk had already claimed the futon nearest the window. "No late-night meditation," Seifer hissed at him, crawling into his own futon. Zell gave a slight smile and turned off the light. Darkness was around them but more a second; Seifer woke to someone pressed against his side, holding him like he was everything to him.

"Pathetic," he stated, touching the monk's face. "Your stupid feelings…"

"Thank you," Zell murmured, and Seifer sighed, trying hard not to think of anything his body was doing, especially not the tightening in his stomach. He leaned over and before he knew it he had given a "kiss" to the blonde, a kiss that only his mother knew in his life.

And Hyne help him, the monk found a way to make it better; the monk, half-asleep!- moved to greet Seifer's mouth with his own and for a moment they brushed lips. The tightening in Seifer's stomach grew- not the normal tightening for libido, but rather, one he hadn't felt in such a long time.

This monk would be the death of him, Seifer realized before entering sleep and forgetting he ever thought it.


	3. Chapter 3

Life one

Chapter three

The ronin Seifer awoke early the next morning- not because he wanted to, but because the monk next to him was whimpering in his sleep. The samurai growled as he turned over- realizing the monk had somehow moved away from him. Zell-kun curled up on the floor; and the more Seifer listened, the more he grinned. It was a wet dream. Fancy that, the little chaste monk having a dream like that. Seifer moved over to cover him, slightly for his own perversions. Well, mostly for his own perversions.

"Adel," Zell uttered, suddenly shrinking into a ball.

Seifer's eyes suddenly dimmed. Of course Zell wouldn't be having a dream. Little sex boys never had a good life; most of them died within the next few years. Of course Zell would have nightmares. Painfully obvious and Seifer had missed it.

He moved back into his futon and wrapped himself in the covers, listening as the dream continued on. It was horrid of him but he didn't know what else he could do. He heard the monk wake up and he feigned sleep. He heard Zell inhale deeply, and then adjust himself to some sort of meditative position.

Suddenly, wheels started turning in the samurai's head. He smirked.

"I know you're awake," Zell hissed at him.

"Let's pretend I'm asleep and save your pride or an explanation from you." Seifer shut his eyes quickly.

The monk surprised him yet again, lying beside him. "You're up," he stated. "You don't have to pretend."

"If I didn't know better, baby monk, I'd say you were warming up to me." He grinned as Zell pulled away. In the next moment, the grin was lost to a look of utter surprise. Zell was halfway on him, deep blue eyes staring into his.

"Maybe it's you who is warming up to me." Seifer felt himself blush as the realization hit him. He couldn't help himself; in the next moment, he was locking lips with the monk and pulled away, neither of them able to explain what was going on. Zell suddenly realized what he had brought on himself and turned away.

"Sorry," came Seifer's blushing response. "You're right, I couldn't pretend…"

Zell sat in shock, unsure of why. Seifer had known what a "kiss" was, that was shocking. What was more shocking was what he was feeling; a rapid heartbeat, heavy breathing, and he longed for it to continue.

Hyne, this was a stupid romance novel! Zell got up. "We have to get moving," he stated, and Seifer nodded, offering a surprising lack of resistance. "I want to get over that mountain as soon as possible."

"Wait- Mountain?" came the statement, but Zell was already dressing and Seifer decided to go along, if only for the eye candy.

………………

Seifer had never been sure why he'd lost control that morning. He'd never been one to loose control before, and he couldn't, not this mission. Why was it now? This man was slowly taking over anything he'd ever felt and he was suddenly unsure of everything. He had to find a way to ignore all this.

"I want some answers," Seifer stated suddenly at Zell, who turned to him with a head cocked to the side. Cute.

Damn.

"Like, why is it that _you_ are the one chosen to go? What is it you're doing?"

Zell shrugged. "Probably has more to deal with my past than anything. Deling wants foreigners dead and he wants our monastery dead, and I'd be the perfect combo."

"If that's the reason, then why hasn't Adel come to find you? You can't be that hard to find, then." Seifer paused to see Zell's face darken before Zell ignored the question. "Deling may also want someone who knows the tea ceremony."

"_You_ know the ceremony?" came Seifer's reply, and Zell gave a feral grin.

"Who do you think invented it, ronin?" he grinned proudly. "I'll show you tomorrow, when we get to the temple. I was one of the best on the ceremony."

"Fancy that," came Seifer's response, and Zell stopped on a ledge, staring at him. "What, monk? Is it time to eat?"

Instead, Zell gave him a small smile and turned around. Seifer was confused, but he decided to clear his mind of it. "So, then, Zell… tell me about how you got free of Adel."

Zell suddenly tensed, but he responded. "At lunch." The ronin accepted this response, suddenly passing him by.

"Good. Then on the way you can explain that damnable tea process to me."

Zell met his eye and acknowledged the offer of kindness- it was better to save strength while using it that to lose it on something as stupid as bitter memories.

They stopped to rest on a small boulder. "It's lunchtime," Seifer muttered. "How you got free of Adel." He almost demanded it, pulling out the bentos they had ordered before they left.

Zell sighed. "You're so interested in my past," he murmured to himself, and Seifer tried hard not to grin. "All right. I didn't start out as a pleasure-boy, you know. I was a pickpocket. I had a job and reported to my boss- who happened to live in Adel's underworld palace. One night, I heard a little girl crying and I went to see what was the matter. She was being held prisoner, and Adel was holding her ransom. I slipped her food and water, keeping her alive. Then one night I was caught and my boss told me to stop- that Adel wanted to take her and destroy her innocence. I thought she was nice, so I slipped away after my beating and to let her go. I ran with her and let her through the back way and into the arms of the samurai coming to get her- and the yakuza on our heels caught me. Adel wasn't furious- he'd already received payment. But he was interested in me, and he declared then to me the real reason my father had sold me. This is when he marked me," he added, tracing his face. "After a time, another woman was taken to his prison center, and I decided to run with her again. We made it out to the temple, and I chose to stay with them."

"Rescuing women, huh?" came Seifer's question. "Well, it wasn't that hard-"

"I expected him to come to kill me," came Zell's interjection. "I expected him to come and end it. I had wanted to die at that time."

Seifer looked at him seriously. "Why didn't he come?"

"Caraway's forces were coming for his daughter- he couldn't be distracted."

Seifer stared at him blankly. "Rinoa-san," he managed to utter in shock. "_You're_ the blonde boy?" He sat back.

"I was. It took a while to convince her that I was on her side, though- she was beautiful, but not stupid, though perhaps her trusting side had been given a huge blow from the kidnap." Zell started eating.

Ultimacia had been right, Seifer realized suddenly. This monk had the means to create havoc with anything. He was a liability, he tampered with everything. No wonder Deling wanted him dead. "So the monks kept you, and you wanted to die?"

Zell looked at him. "That's what it was. Then I decided if he wasn't going to come after me, I'd just stay where I was."

"Willful," came Seifer's murmur, and Zell blinked, unsure of what he heard. Their eyes met again and Seifer's hand shook as he thought of the life fading from those eyes. "I must say, Zell, I rather enjoy your company."

Where had those words come from?

"You enjoy hearing my life story," Zell responded curtly, dropping his eyes. "Now I get to hear a story from you."

"I don't have anything all that interesting," Seifer told him. "My mother died, I was sent onto the streets. I found work doing small jobs here and there. Not much has changed." Changing the subject, he added, "I did meet Lady Rinoa. She must have mistaken me for you, I think." Seifer smiled at him. "She was quite the beauty."

Something struck Zell- jealousy?- but he couldn't place it so he quickly agreed. "She has a kind heart," he agreed. "I hope she is doing well."

Somehow Seifer couldn't find it in himself to tell Zell of her predicament; how she was captive in Timber. "Last time I checked, of two months ago, she was well."

"I see," Zell stated. "Let's not waste time," he stated suddenly. "I don't wish to camp in the mountains."

"Let's," came Seifer's response. "Let's spend a night to ourselves and live in a world of blonde children for a while."

Zell laughed. "I think you are getting to me, Ronin. I almost wanted to say yes."

Seifer laughed, too, before he replied. "I know a long way on the mountain. We can cuddle together and be completely inappropriate."

"No sex," Zell told him curtly and Seifer nodded. The monk sighed, weighing the options. He was already ahead of schedule. He wanted to have fun. "Let's," he stated. "But you can't act like a five-year-old."

Seifer grinned and helped Zell up.

…………

"You know, monk, if you had been born a woman I think I would have proposed as soon as you mentioned you make tea. Even your cooking is wondrous." Seifer sat back, sighing contentedly. They were sitting underneath an old forgotten tree that had once been a shrine.

"Marriage, huh?" Zell stated. "If I had been born a woman I don't think you and I would have much choice. Two blondes."

"Fair enough," Seifer replied, helping himself to more tofu. "You cook better than the crap at the temple."

"I was good at many things at the temple," Zell replied proudly. "Meditation was my only weak point." He lay back next to Seifer. "You must have had some training yourself. You have art to your sword."

There was that aching feeling in the ronin's stomach again. "Zell-kun," he stated, using a more familiar term. "I know why you can't meditate well."

Zell opened one eye. "Oh?" he asked. "Tell, me, ronin."

"You abhor sex. You don't see it as everyone else does. To you, it's sin and you hate yourself when your body betrays your memories." Seifer threw a stick on the fire. "It took me a lot of thinking to realize it."

"I wondered why you were so quiet," Zell replied. "It's different, you know. I tried once with another boy." He shuddered.

"It didn't end well?" came Seifer's surprised reply.

"I ended up crying on the floor. It was too much like Adel." Zell pulled away a bit. "It's different, with guys. We're quiet. We don't mess with foreplay so much."

"What!?" Seifer stated. "Foreplay's the best part!"

Zell shrugged. "You wouldn't know."

Seifer growled and went quiet again, poking at the fire.

"Let's get married here."

Zell sat up. "You're crazy," he stated. "We can't marry!"

"We're not in Japan, right now," Seifer told him. "We're in our own world!" Suddenly he touched Zell's tattoo. "Full of the blonde-children, let's marry and have no one but us."

"This is stupid," Zell muttered, but he didn't resist Seifer's mouth covering his own. He shouldn't, he knew. "Seifer," he whispered finally, "I'm going to die, you know. This mission is suicide."

"I know," Seifer whispered back at him. "But I've never fallen this violently in love with anyone before. I won't leave you until the end, I promise. If he kills you publicly, I'll die too, and if it's secret I'll kill him."

Zell didn't know what to say. "You won't forget me, then?" he asked, and Seifer promised him he wouldn't.

"Fine, then. At least, for here, I'll marry you and go along with your sex-plan."

"No sex," Seifer told him. "Just kissing and sleeping." He held Zell tightly. "I can live without sex for another day."

Zell snorted. "You might become impotent," he remarked.

Seifer nuzzled him. "I want to make you happy," he admitted. He didn't know why; his mission wasn't to do any of this. His mission was quick and he was trying to lengthen it. Zell had unknowingly charmed him and he was helpless.

The embers were dying down and Zell moved closer to the other blonde. "Thank you," he whispered, "for being so kind. Even if it's not real, even if it's just to get in my kimono, thank you."

Seifer had never cried in his life, and he wasn't going to start, though he felt especially bad about thinking of his mission. He shouldn't be wasting time here! He was supposed to be out doing things, reporting back to Ultimacia already!

Suddenly, Zell crawled on top of him, just like he had the first time they met. "Do you even know _how_ to have sex with a man?" he whispered, and Seifer blinked stupidly. "Oh, come on," Zell stated with a grin. "It's our wedding night, and I want… he trailed off. "I want to see if I can have sex for fun."

"O…okay," came the meek reply, Seifer taken completely off-guard. Soon Zell was under him, kimono open and their chests meeting with each thrust. Zell was beautiful like this- there was no doubt he'd been a sex-boy- but Seifer wasn't sure where his heart was going with this but his head wasn't happy.

Suddenly Seifer felt the vial he'd been carrying with him fall onto Zell's chest, and Zell picked it up, staring at it and using the moon as lighting. It cast a sickly green upon his features and Seifer took the vial and moved it away, shaken.

It was their own little world, anyway, he reminded himself. He was tired and lonely and stressed. "I don't want you to die," he whispered to the surprised man. "You understand me."

"Seifer," Zell shushed. "Seifer, it'll be okay."

When Seifer calmed down, they continued, but after Zell was sleeping he felt tears. When he was sure Zell was sleeping, he kissed him and pulled away. "I don't want to kill you," he admitted, clutching the vial of poison tightly. He had never been this weak before in his life, knowing now why Ultimacia had wanted Zell dead. The monk interfered with everything.

He had to kill Zell and keep the peace.

He had to kill Zell and keep everyone safe.

Seifer looked at the sleeping blonde and wanted to die himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey!! An update! Whoo! (This is halfway through the first life, now! Yay!) I hope people enjoyed the last chapter. As you can tell, my motivation is slipping for most my stories but I randomly keep adding bits and pieces there so now I have a chapter for you! Yay!

Standard disclaimer applies. Don't forget, this is an AU, and that means Adel is a man. Because let's face it, Adel makes a sexy man.

Chapter four

… … … …

Zell had been the first to awake, waves of satisfaction rolling through him. The monk sighed happily, unsure of why until he felt a slight ache in his bottom he had almost forgotten. Instead of shame, or tears, Zell finally felt love and compassion for the knight in front of him.

He knew this was stupid. He'd only known the knight for days but Zell was going to die and the monk didn't want to be forgotten. Seifer promised he would remember him. It was strangely comforting, to know Seifer would cry a little at his death and love him still. Gingerly, he touched Seifer's face. The knight had taught him that he still could enjoy sex, and for that, Zell was thankful. This peaceful time wouldn't last, and Zell wanted as much of it as he could get.

For a virgin of men, Seifer was pretty good, Zell admitted to himself. Though maybe all those women made up for it. He growled inwardly at the thought.

"Like an animal," Seifer mumbled. "Why you monks always got to wake up so damn early?" He opened his eyes and Zell lay next to him. Seifer couldn't tear his eyes away- Zell's kimono was open, his hips were just _so_ and Zell had an arm that was coming closer to him. _Damn, you are good at this,_ he thought.

"We've got notorious morning wood," Zell stated offhandedly, reaching to Seifer's crotch. "Unlike you, when we have it we must get up to will it away."

"Oh?" came Seifer's quickening breath. What had he gotten himself into? Zell was grinning and Seifer couldn't help but grin, and he rolled himself on top of Zell, just as he knew Zell wanted. "Shall I help you will it away?"

"If you would," came Zell's smart-alec reply, reaching up and kissing Seifer. "And keep willing it away. Then I don't have to worry about my wife running around to other women when I go into the monetary."

"Your wife?" Seifer stated. "Well, I'm some wife, I'll tell you that, when you do the cooking." He reached for the lube but his hands brushed the vial.

The sadness in his face must have been evident because Zell was using that comforting tone again. "Let's not worry about the future right now, Seifer." Zell reached up and kissed him gently.

"You mean, 'Do me, you huge penis'." Seifer grinned as Zell laughed, head flinging back and exposing his throat. Seifer bit the throat again, nipping it and soon everything was as it should have been, the outside world forgotten.

… … … … … …

"Hurry up, monk!" Seifer called cheerfully, and Zell gave a growl. He'd forgotten how sore he'd be after laying with a man, almost unable to walk. Seifer was gloating at him and Zell kept walking. It'd take them another night, he realized as he winced. It didn't seem like a bad thing. The two together in a land of make-believe was like a dream he never wanted to awaken from.

Seifer seemed to catch the idea as they made it over the peak, only downhill from here. "Hey, I wanna take a nap," he stated. "Be my pillow."

"Greedy," came Zell's chuckling response despite the fact that he was more than willing to rest. He sat on the grass and then Seifer just lay on his lap, just like a little child. Zell smiled and hummed softly as he stroked Seifer's hair, watching the oversexed man fall into slumber.

It was all too perfect, and Zell felt horrid for wanting this to last. "I wish we could stay in our land of blonde-children," Zell admitted to him, leaning down to kiss the blonde. Seifer didn't respond, and Zell was thankful for it.

Finally Zell moved Seifer off him, laying next to him for a small nap himself. He hadn't felt this happy since childhood. How fitting, he mused, that this Ronin would come to him from God and help him along the journey. Before death, he would not be alone.

Maybe Seifer didn't really exist, either. Maybe he was just a wood spirit. Zell suddenly moved closer to the other man, not wanting this to vanish like every other hope he had. Seifer noted it and lifted his head as the monk's arms wrapped themselves around him. "Wha-?" he asked sleepily.

"Don't disappear," came Zell's words, suddenly ominous. "Please…don't vanish."

"I'm not going anywhere, monk," came Seifer's statement, more surprised than anything. He wrapped his arms around him; completely aware that the monk was making him feel things he thought he had long forgotten. The monk had him trapped, trapped in a cage of warm cuddles and smiles and his irresistible self. Seifer couldn't help but be drawn in; he couldn't help but want to stay in this trap, forever. Perhaps it was he who truly understood what little time they had. All he knew was that once this was over, there would always be a scar on his heart with the monk's name on it.

… … … … … …

They were here. Zell breathed inwardly, drawing up his courage and took his first steps into the temple. The monks in waiting were indeed waiting for him, and Seifer walked alongside him. Seifer seemed more anxious than Zell, but he followed the monk as the baby walked upright and almost prideful that he was walking towards death.

_You ruin everything_, came Seifer's thought. _I can't even breathe when I think of my mission anymore._ Yet still he was in awe. Zell moved to their room and Seifer made to enter it, when suddenly a boy cut him off. "Our master would like to speak with you," came his statement.

Seifer looked at Zell, who was trying not to look at him. The ronin resigned and followed the boy to the head monk, in a different wing. He bowed before the man, and the boy left the two. Cid looked at him.

"Is your master pleased?" came Cid's statement.

Seifer's eyes widened with surprise. No one was to know of his mission. Cid continued. "We knew Adel would try to care for the boy on this journey. We hope Adel is pleased that we allowed his henchman to assist him. And we assure you, that all will go according to plan."

Seifer was speechless. They had thought that he was part of Adel? Then that would mean…

Suddenly it made sense as to why Zell was so accepted into this particular monetary. Adel had let Zell go- to a place he wouldn't be bothered in.

"He is pleased with what you have done," came Seifer's statement.

"Ah, good. We could not bear to see him hurt by Deiling so." Cid suddenly brought forth tea. "Please, we will call him to see you before you leave."

"I thank you," came Seifer's sudden response. Cid left and Seifer sat in cold shock for several minutes. Finally his hands started moving before he sat back, trying to think of what he would say to Zell.

Zell came in, halfway smiling at him, halfway cold. "Hey," he stated, sitting in front of the cups of tea. "You look pale. Was Cid that scary?" Zell took a sip of the tea set out.

Seifer looked at the ground. "He thought me… part of Adel." Seifer wanted to flee, he wanted to bolt, anything to get him out of the room.

"He what?" came Zell's question. "Why in Hyne's name did he ask you that?" Zell set the half-emptied cup of tea down.

Seifer's eyes shut as his hands trembled. "I had a mission," he admitted. "I was to follow you. I wasn't to guard you." Zell grabbed Seifer's shoulders for a response, but Seifer wasn't even looking at him. "I…I wasn't expecting… what I felt…"

"Seifer, what's wrong with you?" came Zell's sudden snarl, and he noted a tear fall from Seifer's face. "Look at me!"

Seifer obeyed, his face filled with something that was shameful to show another. Tears were streaking his face and Zell suddenly winced as a sharp pain filled his stomach. "I was with Ultimacia."

Seifer looked away as he heard the liquid suddenly spill to the floor. He couldn't move for a moment, his body locked in shame as Zell's tried desperately to remove the poison.

"Seifer?" came Zell's quiet cry. The ronin's legs felt like fire and he ran away from his sin, he ran for help and he let the monks take care of their own. He slipped away in the confusion and knew Zell wouldn't make it and ran as far away as he could and kept running and finally made it somewhere he wasn't aware of and he had a mission and he just let it take over.

He didn't want to think anymore.

There was a lot of blood and death and finally he heard a familiar voice. "Seifer?" came the statement, and Lady Rinoa was in front of him, eyes wide in shock.

Seifer was covered in blood and nodded, wondering if she'd ever take the pain away like Zell had. Rinoa grabbed his hand to take him away from that dark place.

… … … … … …

Zell couldn't think. He was in pain, and he was hurting so badly. There wasn't much to think about. Between the blinding pain and the shaking, sometimes he had the feeling that his heart was broken. _I'm cold_, he thought, shivering some more.

"Seifer!" he cried out, trying to find his ronin. Seifer's arms would take this away.

"Seifer!"

Maybe Seifer was only an illusion, Zell realized. "Seifer!" He still tried, trying to reach for him. Someone grabbed his hand and it was warm, but it wasn't comforting. The monk cried out freely and then a voice came over him.

"Shhh. It's time for sleep, little one."

Zell nodded automatically. "Seifer…" he cried out into the darkness. But he managed to close his eyes.

The next time he opened them, the room was dark. He was a bit better, though still shaking. _I was with Ultimacia._ Adel's rival. Zell tried hard not to cry, though he still couldn't help it. He would never get away from Adel. He'd known the monks and Adel were in cahoots- he'd overheard a conversation between the two before. Still, the way Seifer was hurting… his face… and how he just ran. He didn't stay; he didn't care, so long as it filled his mission. Seifer admitted to hurting him and didn't care enough to stay to watch it through.

"You're shaking, little one."

Zell moved his eyes over to Adel's form. Adel was drinking his sake and his tattoo shone on his back- an impeccable dragon. Zell tried to say something but all that came out was a sob and he soon cried out Seifer's name for a bit before he fell back asleep.

Adel smirked to himself. Rain pattered across the window and his boy slept, though the blonde still needed the antidote on occasion. Zell had known he was behind it; otherwise he would have fought back or screamed. This calm acceptance was what Adel had finally been waiting for. Zell was a dragon of his own, which was Adel's main reasoning for the tattoo design on his back. The yakuza boss had no doubt that once Seifer had been so much as held by the boy he was under Zell's natural enchantment. He was surprised the ronin stayed as long as he had; more surprised the ronin had enough sense in his head to finish his mission and had killed Deiling and rescued Rinoa.

Adel himself had taken Zell back into hiding. The monks had suddenly realized their stupidity and sent a messenger for him; but Adel was already coming to take Zell away. He couldn't bear to see his little one walking to his death. Zell lived despite having no reason to, and Adel wondered if deep down he was too much in love. Or maybe he wanted vengeance. Either way, it meant Zell was living and Adel had no complaints about it.

"Seifer," Zell uttered, and Adel moved over to the futon, taking his hand.

"I'm here," he lied for the thousandth time.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey, I'm not dead! Yay! Yay! This makes me happy that I'm not dead. Should I have deadlines? Hmmm. Special thanks to MyraHellsing, Silver Wolf, and Miyo Yukimora. Your reviews keep me remembering that people are actually reading this fic. T-T I need to update more often…

Meh. Here's chapter five!

Spoiler warning: As my roommate tells me, I am not nice to my characters. (I keep explaining to her my plots for the this story.) Whoops. My mistake. Those aren't _my_ characters, are they? No, all your FFVIII belong to Square. (Don't shoot me 'till I finish the story. Please.)

…………

Chapter five

Life one, book two

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" came the deep purr, and the man next to Adel simply looked at him with deep blue eyes. "Even if you can't put your heart into it, you still captivate me." Adel kissed the blonde's neck slightly, not wanting to get up.

"I am glad," Zell uttered.

Adel laughed. It sounded forced and he shook his head. "You don't have to lie to me, you know."

Zell suddenly had life in his eyes, if only pained. "No… I'm glad someone still sees some worth in me." He shivered and Adel suddenly rolled on top of him, covering him. A purple finger traced his face, his eyes serious and solemn.

"He was a fool to hurt you so." Adel never kissed on the mouth, and though Zell was half-expecting it, the blonde never initiated it, either. "He did kill Deiling, though, and not as you." Zell's eyes were inquisitive and Adel explained. "His mission was to kill you, pretend to be you, and kill Deiling as you. He didn't. He just slashed through the castle and ran out with Rinoa-san."

Zell looked away, trying to focus on whatever it was that wasn't Seifer. Adel nuzzled him. Zell knew he couldn't escape; so long as he was branded, he would be Adel's. At least it was a beautiful work of art on his back. It could have been worse, like a cow or a simple Kanji. No, what Zell had was beautiful and unique.

"Do you have any strength left? I do fear it is too soon for you to be doing these things." Adel rolled back off him.

"I will not break," came Zell's admission. Adel smirked, and Zell elaborated. "The seizures are decreasing. In time, they will stop. I eat. I can please you. It is enough."

"I do miss your spunk, though." Adel sat up. "Ah, boy. You make me wish to spend all day by your side."

"You are more than welcome to," Zell responded. It was partially true. With Adel next to him, he could forget every good thing that ever happened and the hurt when it all came crashing down around him.

"This is not helping." Adel laughed. "Little one, you have no idea how tempting that really is."

"I'm sure I will see tonight how much I have denied you." Zell gave a small smile back at him and Adel laughed again, shaking his head. Zell got up and helped the Yakuza boss dress and set his hair. The fine black silk shimmered and only accented the tattoos on his face. His fire-red hair matched his eyes and Zell knew it could be no other way. Adel could only be a magnificent dragon and nothing less. As Adel leaved he bowed, finally allowing himself to be dressed. He slipped into something much less formal, though Adel had showed no lack of expense towards his favorite toy.

Edea entered the room and brought him food. Zell thanked her, and pecked a bit at the food until he noted Edea's worried glance. "Sorry," he whispered.

"You could see him again," came Edea's words, and Zell winced. "If Ultimacia takes over for Adel, Seifer will surely be with her."

"He will try to kill me again." Zell suddenly felt tears. Edea came over to him, hugging him like his long-lost mother. "Why did he have to kill me?"

"Oh, Zell," she murmured into his hair. "Shh…"

Nothing else happened. Zell spent most of the day sleeping; he was awake mainly in the nights, always by Adel's side. Adel favored him among any other boy- since he had been there, he was the only one Adel had laid with. He kept himself busy by repairing old kimonos, or shadowboxing. Zell found he couldn't put in any effort into meditation.

Eventually, he was allowed to go and speak to those like him; Edea was waiting happily for him. "We're playing Mahjong," she let him know. "Care to join?"

Zell smiled at her. "I'm afraid I don't remember much," he admitted. Still, he sat down and tried to remember where each block went.

"No, No, Zell-kun, the head must have two, and the rest are pairs of three." Edea chuckled as Zell showed his tiles. "You will learn, though." She placed down her tiles. The other two members sighed in exasperation.

"You always win, Edea-san!" came the complaint. "We cannot continue like this!"

"Zell-kun, you must try to have more luck. Only united may we defeat her." The second grinned back at him. Zell responded with a grin; the four all knew each other since childhood. There was a deep understanding between them.

"Zell-kun?" Edea was looking at him. "What was life like… outside? Is it better there?"

Suddenly Zell realized all three were staring at him, waiting eagerly for his words. They themselves would never be free, or even have a chance of tasting the freedom he had. He took his tiles, setting them up as he thought of what to say. "I was in a place," his mouth said, "where only blonde children like myself lived." Suddenly his mind caught up with what his mouth had said and he regretted it. He didn't want to think of Seifer right now.

"Wow," came the third man's whisper. "Was it better there?"

"I was free, for a while," came Zell's response. "The only difference between that and here is simply the freedom. It isn't any easier, but everything I did was my choice." He felt tears as he remembered snuggling next to Seifer in the grass, carefree and content.

"Well, well, I won't place bets on it," Edea stated, rescuing him. "I wager a tiny seaside village."

The next man laughed. "Oh, I'll stake a puppy with tiny little eyes."

The third man was quiet for a bit before he stated, "I'll stake a warm pair of arms."

The game started. The players all seemed to be all professionals now, none wanting to give up their special place. Zell tried to focus on his tiles, but they seemed to escape him. The bamboo was shifting with the eastern winds; the coins and numbers seemed to be falling through his hands. He was about to discard the western wind when suddenly he realized that he had a head, and a body in the sets of three. He placed them down on the board, and there was a slight pause as he waited to see who would call him on it and tell him it was wrong.

"Well done, Zell," Edea told him quietly, whether envious or happy for him he could not tell. They were interrupted by a sudden knock. A lackey entered in. "Zell-san, Edea-san. Adel wishes to see you."

Zell and Edea excused themselves from the game, walking down the hall into Adel's chamber. Adel had ink and was setting up a writing station. Edea nodded in her own understanding. The two bowed.

"Edea, I would like you to help Zell in finding a more suitable kimono. Something a little more… exquisite."

Edea nodded and lead Zell to a smaller side room, looking him over. "Hmm. Something to match your eyes, perhaps…" She started looking through the silks as Zell stood there awkwardly, unaccustomed to such a display of wealth. Finally Edea got him to undress and helped him into his under-kimono and finally the silk one. She brushed his unkempt hair and smiled at him. "You make me proud enough to think you were my own child."

Zell blushed, and he could not help but feel like a doll as he took tiny steps to Adel's room. As he entered, Adel watched him, as if the sight of him was enough to feed a ravishing hunger. When Zell thought about it, he wondered that should he walk in naked, Adel would look at him the same.

"Stand in front of me," Adel told him, "With your back towards me." When Zell did so Adel groaned softly. "Ah, Edea! First he has dragons, then legendary dogs, and now a chocobo! How will I draw such animals?" Zell attempted to turn and Adel scolded him. "Not yet," he mused. "I won't have you undress, either. But you must stay still, with your face towards Edea."

Zell complied, and Edea smiled at him, meeting his eyes. He stood, his eyes wandering off, eventually thinking of the ronin. Did Seifer regret what he'd done? He remembered tears. Had Seifer really cried? Seifer never wanted to look at him, didn't want to communicate. Was Seifer ashamed? Was Seifer still dreaming of him? Did their nights together mean nothing? At least Adel made it mean something, painful though it was.

Zell looked up but Edea had gone, and Adel was sitting back, grinning at him. Zell blushed as Adel mentioned for him to turn around. "You are stunning. Even with my brush in hand, I cannot capture what is on your face. Such sorrow…" Adel stood and Zell bowed his head, but Adel touched his chin, bringing their eyes together.

"You look fitting of your title." Adel suddenly was tracing his lips with his hands and suddenly leaned over, taking Zell's bottom lip and chewing on it. The ex-monk stood rather lifeless, unsure of what Adel meant by "title". He was only an item for Adel's use; there was no title associated with that.

Suddenly he took a step back, sinking to the floor. The tremors were starting again and the room was spinning. The boss did not even wait to see; Zell was unusually well behaved since his return home. Suddenly a potion was brought to Zell's lips and the blonde managed to drink, though his teeth rattled against the cup. He swallowed as much as he could before he trembled onto the floor, unable to move as the last of the tremors disappeared slowly, leaving only the shaking of adrenaline. Unable to move, he simply lay on the floor as Adel stood above him drinking in the sight. Then Adel scooped him up and placed him into the pillows that were in the back of the room (from some foreign country, Zell wasn't sure). As he set Zell down, he took Zell's hand and placed it on his own face, kissing it. "You are mine," he stated matter-of-factly. "By now you should know that I cherish what I claim as my favorite."

Zell blushed but was somewhere in a different world, too, a world were he wasn't actually here but instead with monks and getting whacked on the head with the stick because he couldn't meditate. "You marked me as yours, remember?" came Zell's slightly slurred speech. "Three heads-"

Adel smirked and he leaned over the blonde, his mouth trying to bite Zell's neck. "How much you remember," he mused. "I am pleased." As he pulled back while admiring the new red mark Zell sported, he whispered into Zell's ear. "The dragon is not mine," he admitted. "It's the only tattoo to tell of what you really are."

By this time Zell was far off in la-la land, eyes trying to fight staying awake. Adel touched his eyes and they shut, a quiet goodnight as Zell rested his wracked body. At the moment Zell slipped off to sleep, the doors opened. "Where is she?" came the question, and Adel smirked to himself.

"Ah-ah. You'll wake him."

The stranger didn't seem to care. "Where is Rinoa-san?"

"Rinoa no longer wishes to join forces with your mistress. She chooses Squall over even me." Adel stood, enchanting the small niche Zell was in and taking a step forward. "This is beyond rudeness."

"Blame it on my blood," the ronin spat.

"I cannot." It could not have worked so perfectly for Adel, even if the gods themselves had descended and declared Adel part of their ranks.

"Seifer," came the cry from behind him.

Adel turned his back to the blonde ronin with the sword pointed at him to kneel next to his blonde boy's side, taking his hand. "I'm here," he told the sleeper.

The sword faltered, almost dropping. "Zell."

"Ah, yes. Don't wake him; he just had a seizure. Someone tried to poison him, and he survived to be sick on occasion. Such a sad story." Adel moved back to the ronin.

As he had hoped, Seifer was completely focused on the sleeping blonde. Were those tears? He couldn't tell. But Adel did know that Seifer didn't want to risk waking the blonde; he didn't want to see Zell's eyes hate him. He was so afraid of Zell hating him- the one thing he was afraid of in this dark, cold world.

"Is he not lovely?" Adel had moved behind Seifer. "Like that, all dressed up like a prince." Seifer felt magic behind him, and suddenly his sword dropped to the ground with a loud clang. Ultimacia-sama had taught him how to block such attacks with his mind, but as of now his mind was only focused on the monk in front of him.

What had he done, he thought to himself. To attempt to kill him, fail, and land him back in the hellhole he came from. He was walking closer to him, and suddenly he realized that Zell would wake. His feet were fighting a losing battle to stop.

"Don't stop now," came Adel's voice from behind him. "You and I both know that the enjoyment of a treat is not the packaging it comes in." He laughed.

"You're a bastard," Seifer hissed, suddenly entering the enchantment. Why couldn't he stop himself? He had to.

"So are you." Adel watched eagerly as Seifer's hands fought the rather strong magical influence to reach for the ends of Zell's kimono. "So is he."

"He's an angel!" Seifer shouted, and Zell suddenly stirred in front of him, not noticing his attempted assassin almost completely bent over him, hands shaking. How beautiful the sleeper was, with that silk kimono over him. It was filled with beautiful chocobos, but somehow it wasn't right for him. What was worse was Seifer's body already starting to betray him- his mind was remembering things that he didn't want to remember, like what it was to be loved.

"He's a dragon. What doesn't kill him will make him stronger." Adel realized Seifer had frozen himself, only partially breaking the spell. Sighing he glided over to the two. "Zell."

"Hmm?" came Zell's murmur, eyes not opening. Seifer stayed quiet for the life of him. Zell was so peaceful and innocent. He didn't need to see Seifer frozen before him. Maybe it was fear, too.

"I won't be too rough, little one. I won't enter you. But I do want to feel you for a bit."

Zell adjusted himself again and he started to struggle, but Adel stopped him before his eyes opened. "Just lie. I'll be gentle, little one. You can sleep soundly."

Seifer wanted to ask what Adel was up to. He wanted to demand not only Rinoa but now Zell as well- he was humiliated and defeated already. Adel knew his guilt. Adel knew Seifer would feel worse at letting Zell live with the memory that he'd poisoned him. Adel knew Seifer still wanted to be held in Zell's arms and it would break him if he did so. The shame would be irreversible.

Ultimacia would receive a broken doll just as Adel had received his.

So Adel, moving between Zell's sleeping form and Seifer's frame, moved Seifer's knees to sit on the pillows, almost straddling the other blonde. His face next to Seifer, he murmured, "All swords are most beautiful when unsheathed, hmm?" He did not bother to add most deadly- Seifer certainly understood that and if he did not, Adel was not going to waste time explaining it to an incompetent moron.

"Please, no." Seifer was at wit's end. He would beg if it kept Zell safe from harm. He would beg, he would die, but don't do this, don't tease me like this, don't shame me like this, in the arms of the one who I loved and betrayed and am going to betray again and the one I loved and now he's alive and weak and with you and I can't save him, I can't rescue him…

Adel deftly undid the obi, taking his sweet time. There was no better expression shown by the human face than the horror Seifer was expressing right now. Horror, fear, shame. Beautiful emotions in their own right.

Adel watched as Seifer's eyes closed as his purple fingers pulled back the kimono- only enough to expose Zell's upper torso. "Please," Seifer begged, eyes closed. His body seemed to be leaning for it, though.

"Did you think I would not award you for protecting him so well? He has not even thought of leaving my side since his return. You have given him back to me, and ensured that he will never wish to leave." Adel leaned over to him. "Or maybe I am a bit upset. You did take what was not yours to take."

"No more was he yours," Seifer shot back, and Adel grabbed on of Seifer's hands, suddenly placing it upon the sleeping Zell's skin. Seifer shuddered at the touch, but suddenly he found some courage. "Zell is my husband," he whispered, as if that would make it all better for Adel. Maybe it would give him enough reason.

"Then you shouldn't hesitate touching him like this," Adel whispered back to him. Seifer's hand, lead by the Yakuza boss suddenly moved more downward than Seifer would have liked. Seifer trembled, he trembled when only weeks ago he'd laughed at the thought of doing this. What was wrong with him?

Suddenly Adel got up and moved away, and Seifer felt the curse on him drop. Looking up, he saw Fuujin-san and Raijin-san, both coming after him. Whatever they were saying wasn't sounding through.

"Forgive me," Seifer told Zell, who suddenly opened his eyes.

Seifer was holding his breath but Zell smiled at him, still groggy and sleepy. "Hey," he whispered. "I don't wanna get up late tomorrow, so no more fucking, all right? I've got my mission." He pulled the ronin into his arms, and all Seifer could even get out in a coherent thought was sent straight to his mouth.

"Forgive me," Seifer whispered into Zell's ear. "I-"

"Pervert," Zell chuckled, eyes closing again. His eyes shut and Seifer was left with him falling back asleep and his own arms wrapped around the ex-monk. Why wasn't he letting go?

Adel noted it and sighed. "Ah, he'll be exhausted if we keep those bastards in with each other," he hissed. "Get your friend out, don't return." He moved to the side, allowing them to pass.

Fuujin and Raijin suddenly were walking towards him. "Seifer?" Raijin asked.

Seifer didn't even move. Raijin picked him up and Fuujin had to unhook his hands. They managed to walk over to Seifer's sword and Fuujin sheathed it for Seifer.

"So Rinoa leaves for Squall's empire, yes? I'll send a guard to make sure she gets there safely." Adel let them go. A broken Seifer was much more fun to play with than a dead one. And besides, Ultimacia could only complain that Adel had left him alive.


	6. Chapter 6

Same standard disclaimer. Square-enix owns Seifer, Zell, Rinoa, Adel, and ect.

Warnings: For once, happy feelings. Shock. Delta's writing things that make warm fuzzies.

Zell: Which is long overdue, you know.

Delta: Shut it.

……………

**Chapter six**

Zell was aware of someone crying softly. He wasn't sure what was wrong, so he started walking, searching them out. Finally he saw a man with a bunraku doll, moving and acting out heinous crimes. It was a while before he realized the doll itself was crying and he didn't know what to say to it.

Arms were suddenly wrapped around him. Where was he? What was going on? Suddenly he remembered the seizure and sighed to himself. Still not as strong as he had hoped, though the time between them was lengthening. Adel was next to him, but it no arms were around him. Maybe he had just imagined it all.

With Adel's face he remembered Adel mentioning the dragon on his back was not his. What did he mean by that? And suddenly, a vision of Seifer whispering to be forgiven as Zell held him entered his mind. Strangely, he felt at peace at the memory. Maybe the gods were telling him that Seifer was sorry.

Or maybe that's what he wanted. He stared at the sleeping Adel before he closed his eyes, wanting to sleep longer. Suddenly a hand touched the side of his face.

"Mine," Adel whispered at him.

Zell used this as a cue to open his eyes. Adel was staring at him, his face full of possession. "How do you feel?"

Adel's words sank slowly into the blonde, until he found his voice. "Fine," he answered.

Adel didn't move to him, but stayed watching him. "I have a mission for you," he stated. "You will leave today."

"A mission." Zell looked at him.

"Yes." Adel was still simply looking at him. "The princess Rinoa was captured about the time you were brought here, and she needs to be escorted to the prince Squall, who has arranged for her ransom. It's dangerous for her to wander alone through three towns."

Zell was watching Adel, knowing something was wrong if Adel wasn't even attempting to touch him. "Adel," he stated, his question hanging in the air.

Adel gave him a grin. "I am too old," he admitted. "I am not as I once was." With this he moved to cover Zell again. "You still dwell on memories, don't you?"

Zell blushed, unable to move. "Adel?" he asked. What was he hinting at; Rinoa or maybe the Ronin?

"Do you know you still cry for him?" came Adel's quiet whisper. "And that he still cries for you?" he chuckled at Zell's pale face, the color gone.

"He wouldn't…cry for me," Zell tried to explain, but Adel was just staring at him. "Adel… what is it you want from me?" He sat up to have Adel force him down again.

"I want everything," Adel admitted to him. "But I have time for nothing. Already, Ultimacia is searching more for my heir than me."

"You aren't old, Adel," Zell told him more backed by his fear of never being free than anything else.

Adel laughed at him. "Ah. Youth. Your misconceptions are so flattering." He touched Zell's tattoo, Zell's marking of him. "Will you take the mission?"

"Sure," Zell replied, still slightly confused.

……………

It was such that Rinoa no longer remembered him. She was waiting at the inn, and Zell simply nodded to her and said his introduction.

"I don't need a guard! Daddy is so over-compensating!" Rinoa glared at him and Zell simply apologized. She sighed, then suddenly blinked. "Why… you have blond hair, too." She blinked in surprise.

"Yes," came Zell's statement. "I only know of one other person with hair like mine." He smiled at her.

"I have met him, maybe. Is he sweet and kind?" her eyes glazed over and Zell could feel pangs of jealousy eating him away.

"I'm afraid not," Zell told her. "We must be thinking of different people. He is cold and unfeeling. I envy you for meeting this other person, I must seek him out."

Rinoa simply nodded, her eyes suddenly elsewhere. Zell knew the look; the pained look and let her be. When she came back to him, he asked his next question. "When did you wish to leave?"

"Oh?" Rinoa asked. "I thought you were deciding everything." She folded her arms across her chest.

"I was only instructed to guard you, not command you." Zell's reply seemed to settle well with the princess and she suddenly got in to huge detail about where they would go. She wanted to go up the mountains; she wanted to live life in the wild. Zell only nodded, wondering why Adel sent him if his health was still not in good shape.

Rinoa smiled sadly and she looked up at him. "You have a woman at home?" she asked him, and Zell blushed for a second before shaking his head. "Oh? You're preoccupied with something."

"My apologies. I used to be in a monastery, and I can hear the bell from here. It brings back memories."

Rinoa seemed to pale a bit before regaining her composure. "Well, I'll have you know that I'm going directly to Squall. I won't hear of anything else."

"Then you must promise to only go to Squall, because I won't guard you for anything else." Zell smiled back at her, and Rinoa felt a little more comforted. At least he was cuter than some creepy old man, right? "Ah, come on then. Shall we start?"

……………

"Have you ever been in these mountains before?" Rinoa asked him. "Did you have to kill somebody here?"

"I've never killed a person," Zell told her gently. "I'm not that way. I'm mainly self-defensive." He smiled as she shook her head.

"You're lying," she sighed. "Everybody lies to me." She twirled around, very much reminding Zell of a time before. Rinoa-san did this to people, he thought. She attacked them with laughter and cut into their defenses with her innocence. Zell was almost jealous.

"I'm not lying," he assured her. "To be honest, I'm not usually a bodyguard."

Rinoa looked into his eyes for a bit before she touched his tattoo. "Then why are you marked with this?" she asked, and Zell pulled her hand away gently.

"I'm usually with Adel," Zell explained, and she suddenly blushed, turning away.

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to pry," she told him, her eyes troubled.

"Don't be," Zell told her. "I did spend time in a monastery, and it's only recently that I've returned." Zell grinned at her. "I really look forward to this journey. Journey's reflect a lot of one's life, don't they?"

Rinoa's eyes were so sad, and Zell turned away from them. She suddenly squeezed her fist. "Why did you return, then?"

"I was poisoned. It turned out the monks and Adel were siding with each other all along- where else could I learn to read and write?" Zell kept moving.

Rinoa followed. "Poisoned."

Zell nodded. "Come, now, I think there's an old house we can rest in for tonight." He smiled at her. "There's no way such a lady like yourself can sleep outside, is there?"

The lady chuckled at this. She returned to her chattery self and watched Zell with curious eyes even as they settled down into the separate rooms. "Zell-san?" she asked him that night.

"Yes?"

"What… what if I let you meet this person?" came her question. "The other blonde."

Zell turned to look at her through the screen. "Seifer-san, you mean?"

She swallowed. "Yes." She cursed herself inwardly; Zell-san had already met him.

Zell sighed, thinking it over. "I have no doubt he would be astonished at my existence," he told her gently.

That was all the answer she was to expect. Zell fell asleep soon after, and she tightly held onto the charm Ultimacia had given her. In exchange for Rinoa's services, Ultimacia would rescue her and give her a place in her kingdom. Rinoa would spy on Squall, just as she had for Deling.

Seifer was coming for her. Rinoa winced as she realized Seifer had lied to her. She had allowed herself to be duped, in thinking that the slave-boy who had run away with her had truly escaped. Yet there was always something about seeing the ronin that excited her. He was alive; he was free. Being with him made her that much more free.

The princess had betrayed Zell. She had betrayed that boy. She'd chosen to leave him behind all those years ago. She'd seen Adel talking with the monks as Zell slept peacefully beside her. Adel had offered her a choice, and she took her own freedom for his.

Heaven must damn her, she thought ruefully. Nothing good would come in his life. Maybe Adel knew it, and was using Zell as a tool to torment her without it being Zell's fault.

The door opened silently and Rinoa's heart skipped a beat. She knew the figure at once. "Some guard," the man stated. "I really hope you won't mind leaving him behind."

She looked up at him, watching as he sat beside her. "Hmm? Nothing to say? Rinoa-san, that's not like you."

"How fares Ultimacia?" Rinoa asked him, trying to tear her thoughts away from the shame she had of the man in the next room.

"She is greatly upset at Adel," Seifer replied darkly. "She seeks vengeance. But I am here to take you to her. There's been a change in plans- she wants you far from Adel's grasp."

"Seifer," Rinoa whispered, feeling strangely safe and secure. She leaned up to embrace the comfort of his shoulder. For some reason, it was still and stiff.

She could see Zell behind him. "Unhand her. I have orders to take her to Squall."

"Your orders are going to be changed," Seifer snapped back, and suddenly Zell placed his hands around his neck.

"I could kill you just as easily as you poisioned me," he hissed suddenly. "For now, you will unbelt your sword and step away from Rinoa-san."

It was hard to see Seifer's face in the dark, and he turned slightly, but Zell's grip tightened. "Don't turn around."

The katana fell onto the floor, and Rinoa was afraid Zell might hurt Seifer even though the ronin wasn't putting up much of a fight.

Though she was many things, the princess was not stupid. She could sense something had happened between them. "Zell-san," she uttered. "I can leave."

"Nonsense," Zell told her. "I'm going to deal with him outside." She swallowed, and Zell dragged Seifer to the outside of the house, the night wind making his already loose yukata flow. He let go of Seifer, facing him.

"Why are you here?" he asked, halfway amused. In reality his heart was breaking, but he could not let Seifer see any of that whatsoever. He had his mission, and undoubtedly Seifer had his.

Strangely enough, Seifer moved to grab his waist and suddenly pressed his head into Zell's stomach. Zell wasn't sure what to do, letting his hands rest on Seifer's shoulders.

"You tried to kill me," Zell whispered. Seifer simply tightened his grip. "Don't touch me, Seifer-san. You and I are enemies."

Seifer looked up with such horror that even Zell winced. "Monk, I-"

"I'm not a monk," Zell replied. "I never was. Only a toy for Adel, like you are a sword of Ultimacia." Zell wasn't even sure what he was babbling on about, but he knew he had a request he couldn't allow Rinoa-san to hear. But as Seifer looked up at him with those hurt eyes, he wondered if maybe Seifer really hadn't wanted to kill him at all. Seifer touched his hand.

"You aren't a toy," Seifer whispered. "And I'm not here to kill you. I'm here to try and make sure Rinoa san gets to Squall."

"My mission. Were you going to take that over, too?" There was no hiding the hurt in Zell's voice. "You took over my identity from Rinoa-san. You took over my identity for your mission. You gave me back to Adel when all I wanted…"

"You went to get yourself killed," Seifer whispered, suddenly afraid. "Well, too bad, 'cause I didn't want you to-"

"You poisioned me." Zell suddenly balanced his posture.

"I didn't _want_ you to die," Seifer admitted to him. "I tried to get out of it! I did. That's why… I didn't think you'd be here!"

"I _am,_" Zell yelled at him. "I'm _here_ and you're going to kill me again and-"

He started shaking again. The darkness flashed at his eyes and he fell onto the ground.

…………

When he came to, the room was different. Rinoa-san sat next to him, applying something cool to his forehead.

"I fear," he started, "That you must think me a most inconvenient bodyguard."

She chuckled. "Seifer carried you all the way here," she told him. "He was so worried. He wouldn't even sleep until just now." She smiled and nodded over to the sleeping form.

Zell looked over at the man. "Is it wrong of me to hate him?" he asked her weakly. When she shook her head, he sighed. "I wish…" he sighed and fell back asleep.

When he woke up again Seifer was next to him, his arm draped around him.

It was so familiar, and it made his heart ache. Seifer who had tried to kill him; was ordered to kill him, still showing strange signs of affection at night. He leaned over and touched Seifer's face, and Seifer suddenly turned away, letting go.

"Please don't hate me," Seifer whimpered to him. Rinoa-san was sleeping soundly on the other side. "That night. I wanted to die. Every night since I realized I was falling for you, I wanted to die."

"So what?" Zell responded. "It isn't even so much that you killed me," he reasoned. "But you _didn't_ kill me. You took me away to a whole different place, and in the end I returned to Adel. At least Deling would have killed me."

Seifer turned over, his eyes wide in surprise. "That's why you went," he uttered as the puzzle started to come together.

"I knew the monks were returning me to Adel. I didn't want to go back. I wanted to stay and pray and be useful." Zell touched his face again. "And you were a surprise. I thought you were from Adel, too, at first, but it was obvious that you weren't- Adel would never have someone as rude as you escort me to him."

Seifer sat up. "Zell-san, I-"

"Kill me," Zell asked him, not meeting his eyes. "Keep me away from him."

The shock that filled the ronin was harsh and cold and there was nothing to numb it. Zell reached for his sword. "Kill me this time."

"Don't ever say that," Seifer suddenly told him, harshly, pinning the monk underneath him. "Don't ever say that to me again." Seifer suddenly wrapped his arms around Zell. Zell's eyes were wide with surprise. Seifer couldn't utter anything more. He just held the monk tightly, and Zell responded quietly by wrapping his own arms around Seifer.

The monk had every right in the world to hate Seifer, and yet he couldn't. Adel had been right- he still longed for Seifer more than anyone else in the world. "All right," Zell told him, more surprised that Seifer wasn't taking him up on his offer- it could only help the ronin anyway.

Seifer kissed his neck slightly before he whispered into Zell's ear. "I'll never let anyone take you away from me again." He guided Zell back down on the futon, embracing him.

Somehow, though it was similar to Adel Zell didn't mind. "Why do I still love you?" Zell whispered back to him, and Seifer paused for a moment, his heart almost stopping of happiness. It was a fact- Zell was going to shock him into death before anyone else got their hands on him.

"Because you're too pure to hate anybody," Seifer whispered back, and Zell snuggled up to him- again. Just for this one night. The two embraced and the moon fell over their forms.

Meanwhile, Rinoa was scribbling away notes frantically for all of her ladies-in-waiting at home. Two young, blonde men in love with each other! The stories would rival that of "Tale of Genji"! How on earth was she ever this lucky?!

………………

………………

………………

………………

End chapter 6. Hey. I had actually a lot more angst planned out for the chapter- Zell not even cuddling, and completely forgotten as Seifer and Rinoa talked to each other- but Seifer and Zell weren't having it. And Adel got a _lot_ more screentime than planned. He wasn't even a blip for a while, and then I decided I really liked Adel' character. That and he kept harassing me for a while.

Adel: Don't put that in.

See, they're always bugging me. Anyway. I hope you enjoyed the warm fuzzies, just like Rinoa did. Zell just really does as he pleases.

-Delta


	7. Chapter 7

It has been a while, hasn't it? Well, to make up for it, here is a two-chapter update. Whoo! 

You are all going to hate me. Ah, well. Hopefully, by the end of these stories, your senses of sad will be null-ed down into nothingness. 

…………

…………

Life One, 

Chapter 7

The ronin was aware of _dreaming_. It was what his Lady did, to communicate with him. It was how she had found him before, tired and dead inside, and brought him to life. It is how she kept even him hoping after Adel's trap. 

It was also how he got his missions. She stood before him, nothing more, and nothing less than herself. He didn't even have to vision her- he knew. Her voice was already being thought, her words were already known. His responses were heard just as easily. 

"He is back in your arms," came her amused voice. Ultimacia-sama may have been as powerful as Adel, but she was not as violent. She was patient. "You are unusually content."

"What is your command, milady?" Completely down to business, just as he should be. Seifer was a good servant, even if he did have a few quirks. 

She paused. "I was not expecting him to accompany her. Since it is more than obvious you cannot kill him, I want you to bring him back to me." She opened Seifer's eyes, staring at the sleeping blonde and closing his eyes again. 

"Will he be useful to you?" Seifer had no doubt in his mind about his Lady's good intentions.

"Who knows? It's better to have him by your side than it is for you to face him," she pointed out, not even bothering to mention his failure. "The lady Rinoa still wishes to go to Squall?"

"She will spy for you, I think. I have yet to convince her that this will save his life. She deeply cares for the unemotional brat."

Ultimacia was about to speak again, but she simply left, leaving traces of the meeting in his mind. Seifer opened his own eyes, not upset that she had left him. She had more pressing matters; she was going after Adel. She was going to get him to name her his successor, and gain all of his powers. 

Seifer was just happy that it meant that he would get to keep Zell. Zell would have nowhere to return to, no one to be afraid of. Seifer could keep him close. 

The ex-monk stirred, opening his eyes. There was adoration in Seifer's own, but Zell killed it promptly. 

"How is Rinoa-sama?" he asked, and Seifer turned over to look at another sleeping form. 

"Still sleeping," he replied. "The sun's not even up yet."

"Hmm," Zell agreed, not moving. 

"Zell?" Seifer murmured, and Zell turned his head. Seifer moved back to where he had been, holding him. He made no move to loosen up. And then he kissed Zell's tattoo gently. 

Zell sighed, staring at him. "You understand that I'm Adel's, right?"

Seifer made a morning angry face and held Zell tighter. "You're mine. I won't let you go away again." Seifer winced as Zell said nothing, maybe remembering last night's request that Seifer wouldn't hear of. "Zell?" he asked. 

The ex-monk did not respond. When Seifer looked over, his face had a peaceful expression. Relieved Zell had just fallen asleep, the ronin closed his eyes, trying to match their breaths. What gave Zell away, though, was when he touched Seifer's hand gently. 

"I wish I could be yours," he uttered.

………

………

The continuation of the journey was as expected, if not slightly frosty. Despite Rinoa's best attempts (everything from pretending to be injured to pushing Seifer on top of Zell) the two were still having awkward moments that they knew they couldn't be having. Two nights in they stopped at another hotel and she moved to the baths to give them "privacy." 

So, in male fashion, the two got down to business. Seifer was polishing and sharpening his katana while Zell was meditating over in a corner. Though they might have been married, or though they might have been in one another's company and though they might have been able to forgive almost execution (which Seifer didn't buy completely), there was still the awkward fact in the air that Adel was still hanging over their heads all the time. What if Adel got to them? Would he kill them? Would he kill one or the other?

Not a word passed between them until a voice spoke from behind the curtain. "Zell-sama," it croaked.

Zell looked up to see the figure of Odine, Adel's creepy advisor. Seifer was already reacting with his sword in hand, and Odine fell to his knees. "Please, Zell-sama, I mean you no harm!"

"Sama?" Seifer echoed, and Zell stood, touching Seifer's shoulder gently. Seifer relaxed about an inch. Trying not to pee himself, Odine bowed lower, exposing his neck. 

"Adel takes me seriously. I have status, being what I am to him." He turned to Odine. "What is it? Why have you come here?"

"Adel has been captured," Odine told him. "Ultimacia has captured him. I managed to get away." He bowed his head. "I am in your serivice."

Seifer looked up to see Zell's reaction, but rather than relief, Zell's face showed shock. How could Zell be upset? This only helped him. This brought the two of them closer. 

Maybe… maybe they weren't as close as he thought. He did try to kill Zell, after all. 

It was obvious the ex-monk was not prepared for this and he slid to the ground in shock. "He…he couldn't…"

"I'm afraid so. I managed to escape and he yelled at me to get you to safety. You are not safe, Zell-sama." Odine's head hit the tatami mat with a thud. Seifer thought maybe he should have hit harder. 

"Sure he is," Seifer said rather rudely. "I'm going to protect him."

Odine looked at him. "From what? You are Ultimacia's henchmen, are you not? You reek of her." Odine laughed. "She'd have you kill him. He is precious to Adel. She would ransom him."

"So why are you talking to me about this?" Seifer stood. He drew his sword, staring at Odine and he took a look at Zell. 

Pitiful. Zell was on all fours, his eyes tearing up and his arms trembling under his weight. "Adel's in trouble," Zell whimpered. "I have to help him." Somehow his thoughts were twisted. Adel was the only one who'd ever shown signs of caring for him, Adel was the only one who'd actually tried to save him. Seifer didn't… Seifer didn't…

Seifer had his arms wrapped around his monk. "If you want to run, I'll let you," Seifer whispered in his ear. "You can run from me, but don't run back to him. Please."

Zell pulled away, suddenly unsure. He did have to find Adel. Otherwise, Adel would be angry. That was his sole mission- to care for Adel like a concubine should. He would follow that mission proudly.

Seifer didn't fight when Zell followed Odine out the door. Zell needed to clear his head, right? No matter how long that took. 

Even if it took forever.

He sent a congratulations to his mistress and Rinoa returned, rather disappointed at the two. "Where's Zell-kun?" she asked. 

"Gone." Seifer started to put away his things. 

"You can't loose him!" Rinoa stated angrily. "You should chase after him! He won't come back to you otherwise! Don't let the other win!"

Then Rinoa promptly said good-night, and Seifer lay in bed for the longest time. He could see the moon through the cracks in the wall, and he could feel the wind come and play on his skin. 

Maybe it was wishful thinking, but he knew he couldn't control Zell. He didn't have that right. Zell was an adult. Zell could think clearly. Maybe. 

It did feel wrong. It did feel like he was leaving Zell behind, it did feel like part of him was dying. But it… this… was for the best. He in no way deserved Zell. And yet Zell had shown him such compassion- still Zell loved him. 

Seifer sighed, closing his eyes. 

"No futon for me, ronin?" came the voice, and Seifer sat up, eyes blinking. The motion was completely pointless; Zell pushed him back down again. "Seifer," he whispered darkly planting kisses along the ronin's body. They were dark. They were desperate. These kisses were not like Zell. 

Seifer realized Zell was trembling, his hands wet. "Baby monk?" he asked, and Zell pulled away suddenly, his body threatening to go into seizures. Seifer instantly got up and moved to place Zell in the futon but Zell grabbed his yukata instead. 

"I can't wash it off," Zell whimpered. "It won't come off."

"What won't?" Seifer asked, and when Zell's eyes turned to him, hurt and dark and afraid, he knew. Seifer embraced him, holding him tightly. It was always hard after this. Anyone was scarred from it. 

Zell trembled, clutching at Seifer, as if Seifer was some sort of gate of heaven that he needed to see, as if Seifer was the brightest light in the world. Still murmuring nonsense, the ex-monk rocked the two of them back and forth in the dark. Seifer leaned over to his ear.

"You've not killed before?" he asked, then realized of course not. Zell had lived in a monastery, or he was a slave-boy. He'd seen death, not dealt it.

"He kept saying things," Zell said brokenly, trying not to sob. "He kept saying things that weren't true at all! And I… I…"

"Don't speak," Seifer comforted him. "Shhh. You're okay now, Zell. It's okay." He held on tighter, and Zell buried his face in Seifer's chest, trying not to cry. He felt weak. He felt pathetic for doing this, for letting Seifer see him like this. Yet he couldn't care less at the moment.

"He's not," Zell cried. "He's not."

"He's sleeping for a bit," Seifer told him gently, trying to ease this shock. Seifer himself could remember the first life he took- trying not to become involved. The man had just kneeled over with the sword still inside him, blood everywhere. His eyes had died, and Seifer had felt a rush of guilt, and a rush of exhilaration. How was he supposed to feel? He'd kept killing, distancing himself from his missions.

Until Zell had showed up. 

"Make it go away," Zell pleaded, crying into his yukata. "Make it go away."

Seifer didn't know what else to do, so he lay Zell down softly. Kissing his neck, kissing away his tears. Zell responded, and Seifer distracted him the entire night. 

…………

………….

They did not see Rinoa's eyes, for if they had they would have seen Ultimacia as she glared at the monk's back. A successor to the power. Marked by a dragon, marked by blood. 

Typical of a dragon to use. She did not dare interrupt- the boy was now a dragon, and had power he was not aware of yet- better to bring him back into her castle. Better to keep Seifer unaware of what she had planned for his other. 

Rinoa, of course, was just going to have to keep silent until meeting Squall. 

When Ultimacia finally did meet the monk face to face, she killed him. It was quick and painless for him. She expected Seifer to fall to his knees; she expected Seifer to cry. 

She did not expect Seifer's rage to come after her. She did not expect him to draw his blade, she did not expect it to meet her neck. 

She did not expect to die. 

She had expected, as she watched from the afterlife, for Seifer to take his own life in shame of never protecting Zell's.


	8. Shortlife One

Introduction to short-lives: Short lives are the buffers in-between huge chaptery segments. 

Short-life: One

There wasn't much they could do about being left on the orphanage. At least it wasn't in the city and they were free to roam about the farm. Seifer and Squall preferred the horses, playing knight, while Irvine preferred the cows, insisting that real cowboys rode cows. 

But the chicken, the crybaby, always preferred to spend time in the barn. He'd hang out with the chickens so much that his hand was the only hand they wouldn't peck for getting their eggs. He didn't like socializing as much as the others; he was the perfect target to tease. Seifer knew that if he teased him, Zell would respond- and he wasn't really a chicken then, if he responded. The others on their all-male orphanage called it mean, but they joined in as well. 

Seifer pulled all sorts of pranks, from pulling the ladder away from the loft in the barn to chicken feathers in Zell's bed to flat-out name calling. There was little end to Zell's torment through the years, even as they all started to grow up. Even as Zell found new washing places so the others wouldn't take his clothes, or new hiding places were he could sleep for a bit, Seifer still managed to find him. 

Things were always like that. Zell adjusted, eventually he stopped crying, though he always got angry. Eventually, Irvine and Squall grew to respect him, even if Irvine teased him on occasion. Seifer never grew out of it, though. 

But it was one day, in the blistering August heat that Seifer found himself _watching _the chicken. Zell had found a place to bathe, but Seifer had taken Zell's clothes anyway. Seifer turned, but the sun sparkled on the crick and Zell wasn't a little boy that needed to be teased anymore. The heavy lifting of grain, the filling of sacks, lifting bales of hay- the years had done their work. Zell looked good. 

Good. Seifer licked his lips before he realized what he was doing and he dropped the clothes down on the ground in a hurry. He got on his horse, Hyperion, and made it back to the house in time for afternoon cookies and warm milk. Afterward there was corn to harvest. Anything to distract him from that feeling. 

That night, though, as the four boys settled into to their separate beds, Seifer couldn't help but find himself staring at Zell again. Zell's eyes moved to his, and Seifer scoffed it off while Irvine chatted with Squall about the girl-orphanage girls. Matron came in and blew out the candle. Seifer could feel Zell's eyes on his back, and the idea was enthralling. 

The days passed as they often did, but what concerned Seifer now were the nights, nights in which he swore he yelled so loud the household would wake because of his dreams; nights in which he would wake up and stare at Zell's sleeping face and the dream would be finished. There were nights when the dreams were peaceful and still; and when he woke he realized that was not it at all. 

These dreams did not seem to haunt Zell near so much. Seifer would stay awake at night, hoping somehow these dreams would waken Zell and then he would reach over to the other boy. Yet Zell never awakened. 

Winter came, and now it was Seifer's turn to avoid Zell. He'd go to bed late, stay up early, work other places- anything. Zell didn't seem too suspicious until he tried finding Seifer for the bully's birthday party back at the house. He searched the barn until he managed to hear his name being called softly. Zell sighed, and with years of experience without having a ladder he climbed up the side, almost slipping as he watched Seifer touch himself to his own name. 

It was Zell's turn for his stomach to tighten. "Seifer," Zell whispered, and Seifer sat up, completely shocked. Zell pulled himself up and Seifer stared at him, unsure of what move to make. "They're having a party for you at the house," Zell uttered, blushing. 

"Oh." Seifer wasn't even done, but the shock had startled him out of it. He placed himself back in his pants. "So everyone's looking for me?" 

"Yes," Zell uttered trying his best not to stare at Seifer. Seifer then climbed down, and they didn't see one another until that night, when Seifer awoke to find Zell out of bed. Where had he gone?

He went to follow, checking the places Zell would be. What he had thought was in the chicken-barn, and he was right. What he had not thought, though, was that Zell was mimicking his actions, not saying names but letting himself murmur with vigor and Seifer hauled himself up, meeting Zell's shocked eyes before crawling over to assist the chicken-orphan in need.

That was how their embraces started. 

Over the course of the winter so long as they kept to their duties nothing was said. Nothing was suspicious, at least. But as spring started to arrive and Irvine and Squall used every nice day to visit their young ladies, the two began to feel awkward. When would they meet girls, the others wondered. 

There were some close calls, as with anything. Sometimes Matron and Patron would come in, trying to find either of the two. Once, Squall had managed to enter the loft right as Zell was at his loudest, and Seifer had to kiss him quiet as they moved out of sight, the movements only making Zell want to cry louder. Once, Matron had asked Zell if he'd been trying to ride a horse, and Seifer had come up with the lie that Zell wanted to ride bare-back to cover the reason Zell was walking funny. Once, they lied to Patron that the reason they had been up so early to milk cows for Patron's birthday. 

It edged at Seifer like a knife. "Zell," he would whisper, always wondering why this man stayed with him, why he was waiting for him in the night, why he'd come to him when he was sick, even, not with touches of passion but with touches of comfort. 

Zell would give a cry, cooing in his ear. And afterwards, Seifer was ashamed he didn't remember what Zell had whispered to him, he was ashamed he had taken the man like that again; he was ashamed Zell was staring at him with a gaze that should have been saved for his future wife. 

Did Zell deserve this? Zell deserved something better, better than a bully that teased him, better than a cursed relationship, cursed by god. Zell deserved a family. Didn't he? 

Summer came again, after the rains had swollen the creeks and the lakes. The two of them had gone off to help with the cows in the pasture as Irvine was getting ready to take Selphie as his bride. Seifer had been laughing next to him when suddenly Zell wrapped his arms around him, embracing him tightly and he whispered, "I love you," to his back. 

Seifer wasn't sure if Zell had known that he was planning to flee that night- he'd let Patron know that he was going west to seek his destiny. Patron had agreed and let him keep Hyperion. But Patron wouldn't have known, would he?

"We can't love each other, Zell." He told the other firmly, his mind remembering every night, now, when Zell told him. "We're men."

"I love you," the younger replied. "And I know sure as hell you love me." 

"No," Seifer uttered, finally trying to put this "thing" to rest. "I don't love you."

He hadn't expected the chicken to fly.

Zell had pulled away, not because of what was said but because Squall was riding down the hill, fast as he could. "There's a mad bull loose," he stated. "Patron needs your help, Zell, you've got the best raw strength of any of us."

Zell nodded and got on his horse to follow, and Seifer should have called after him. 

Seifer didn't think anything of it when he went back to the house to still see Zell's horse there. Zell wasn't the brightest at times. 

As he entered the house, though, Matron came up to him, tears in her eyes. "He's asking for you," she uttered. 

"What?" 

"Zell got the wrong end of the horn. The doctor doesn't know if he'll make it or not." She trembled slightly. "Cid just yelled at me to go fetch the doctor… there was so much blood…"

Seifer tried to comfort her, but she sent him up to Zell's bed, where Squall and Patron and the doctor were waiting. "Where's Irvine?" Seifer asked.

"Ain't got back from Selphie yet," Cid answered. "He's here, Zell."

Then they all left, like this scene was rehearsed in Church or something, leaving Zell alone with Seifer. 

"You were going to run," Zell asked, and Seifer just stared at his sickly body, just stared at his bloodying bandages. "Seifer."

"Yes," Seifer told him. "You deserved a life."

"Then let's make a deal," Zell coughed. "You run. Don't look back, and I'll always be here, on this farm for you. I won't be dead. I won't be hurt. Just here."

"You're going to get better," Seifer uttered, but Zell squeezed his hand. 

"Promise."

"I promise." Seifer uttered, and he took off. He ran as far as he could and he didn't look back; he didn't know if Zell had lived and he didn't know if Zell had died. Zell was always alive for him, always in the night, always in his dreams. The only time it ever changed was when Seifer met _her_, but then Zell was nagging on him, making him feel guilty. As _she_ bore his child _she_ died, whispering for him to care for their son, and when Seifer died he gave his son a letter to take to that farm. 

So his son, named Nida, walked down the dirt path to the wooden house. He felt awkward, not sure what sort of hospitality he would get. His father had given him two letters; one if "he" was alive, one if "he" was dead. 

"Hey there," someone uttered. "Can I help you?"

Nida looked up to see a blonde man sitting on the gate, his head cocked to the side. "I've got a letter for a man named Zell," he uttered, holding it as it as treasured as it was- the only thing guaranteeing a safe place to stay and work and food. 

"Zell, huh," the man inquired. "Who might you be?"

"I'm Nida Almasy," he stated very seriously. "My father's passed away, and he thought I could work here."

"You like books, boy?" 

"Huh?" The question was out of the blue. "Umm… my father thought it good if I read, but I was always helping him out. I like 'em well enough," he added. 

"Good. Guess you can stay then."

Nida nodded, walking up to the gate in front of the house, walking up to the man (who seemed much shorter now). "Are you Zell?"

"That a letter for me?"

"Yes."

"Then yes."

With that, Nida walked inside the house and Zell stayed outside of it for a bit, letter in his hands and an expression on his face Nida had seen on his father every day of his life. 


End file.
